Every year I seem to go through a terrible bout of anxiety as the season approaches. I get all of my shopping done early. The wrapping done within the same day or next to make sure that gets done. The newsletter written to stuff into the Christmas cards that are written and stamped. Everything is done. I get the decorations up in a timely fashion. I get everything done. So why do I get so anxious every year at the Christmas season? I mean, as I type this, I am on the verge of a collapse. My chest is tightening, my eyes are watering, and I feel the need to go for a long run. I don't know what causes this, but I would like it to stop.
I have what I would like to call Clark W. Griswold Syndrome. I get my hopes and expectations for Christmas up so high that no one can possibly match them. I can't control it. Christmas gets closer and I start pumping up and getting ready for something amazing that no one in their right mind could ever come up with. Then as Christmas approaches, I start to get discouraged and I start panicking about what people are getting me, if I got them enough, or if I am setting myself up for an extreme disappointment. My husband got upset when I brought it up the last time. I can't help but feel this way every year. Nothing seems to be able to rattle the feeling that I am getting ready for a major let down. I know that Christmas is about family and the true reason for the season, but my brain doesn't seem to let that be enough. I love Christmas so much that I want it to be perfect and happy. The problem is that I don't know how to make it that. I don't know how to make it the perfect Christmas and make it so happy that I can't come up with anything better. I don't even know what I want that makes me have such high expectations. I try to keep it in check, but it isn't working.
I want to be relaxed. I want to be happy. I want Christmas to be wonderful.
