The first cut is the deepest.

I can't take it anymore.  I have been trying to be strong through everything, but I just don't know how much longer I can try to be strong.  I am not happy.  My job is stressful and I only get one day off a week in which I do all the cleaning around the house.  I do not enjoy working in the retail world.  I don't know what kind of job would make me happy.  I have been having this problem since college.  I am not happy in anything I do.  I take career tests to see what I would be good at and it doesn't help.  I think about things I could do and then I know I don't want to do them.  I am trained in music, but I don't know if I want to do anything with that.  I am sick of others having control of my life and what I have to do when I have to do it.  It is very frustrating.  I want the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  I hate feeling trapped.  I don't like having my freedom cut off and feeling stuck in the same monotonous routine.  The problem- I can't do anything to fix it.  I have no free time to myself to figure anything out.  I work Monday through Saturday from Opening to Close at the store and by the time I get home I have no mental or physical energy to get anything done.

Why do I bother even writing this when no one is even reading it?

What's might be right for you, might not be right for some..

So everyone who is following me on here knows I have been trying to lose weight since before Jer and I got married... that is pushing 2 years.  I have tried going to the gym, counting calories, diet supplements, and everything else you can think of.  Nothing was working.  I got excited when I started working at my new job and I lost 5 lbs!  I was finally back in the 150's... well... Christmas screwed me out of that.  I am back into the 160's, if even by .4lbs.  It is driving me up a wall!  I don't have the patience for weight watchers. I don't have the space in my house to do the at home work outs, and I am not able to run due to my knee always giving out when I try. Someone stole my bike so that isn't an option.  Plus, my work schedule keeps me busy all day and makes me want to do nothing but crash when I get home.

So what do I do?

Well, I have decided to just do what is healthy.  I am replacing those sugary and salty snacks that I usually consume with fruits, veggies, and nuts.  I am trying to eat more veggies with meal, more fruit when I can, and I am trying to drink water instead of soda and sugary beverages.  I got a 100% juicy juice that I love for breakfasts that I drink, but besides that I am going to not get other drinks.  I am going to try to not crash out all the time at home.  Even if it is something as simple as cleaning the house while dancing to the iPod, I will do it.  I wish there was a mall closer to me so I could just walk around it a few times just to get some exercise in. Maybe on Sundays... who knows...