Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The first cut is the deepest.

I can't take it anymore.  I have been trying to be strong through everything, but I just don't know how much longer I can try to be strong.  I am not happy.  My job is stressful and I only get one day off a week in which I do all the cleaning around the house.  I do not enjoy working in the retail world.  I don't know what kind of job would make me happy.  I have been having this problem since college.  I am not happy in anything I do.  I take career tests to see what I would be good at and it doesn't help.  I think about things I could do and then I know I don't want to do them.  I am trained in music, but I don't know if I want to do anything with that.  I am sick of others having control of my life and what I have to do when I have to do it.  It is very frustrating.  I want the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  I hate feeling trapped.  I don't like having my freedom cut off and feeling stuck in the same monotonous routine.  The problem- I can't do anything to fix it.  I have no free time to myself to figure anything out.  I work Monday through Saturday from Opening to Close at the store and by the time I get home I have no mental or physical energy to get anything done.

Why do I bother even writing this when no one is even reading it?

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