Christmas Pains: The Story of the Scrooges

A local radio station started playing their Christmas music yesterday and tomorrow ABC Family starts their countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas.  I couldn't have been more excited to get into my car this morning to sing along to Christmas music.  I was driving down the highway and I heard the one song I absolutely HATE hearing during the Christmas season.  This is that song (bear with me... it is long):


The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Hangovers

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Batteries Not Included"

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!?  What scrooge wrote this song?  Half of these things could be avoided by using your common sense.  If you have a problem with this stuff, then DON'T DO IT!  Ugh.... Christmas is a time I love and a song like this is a HUGE downer on my happiness.  So here is my breakdown of answers to all of these "Christmas Pains".

1st Thing- If you hate the process of searching for a Christmas tree, get a fake one.  If you really need that pine tree smell, burn a pine candle, spray some pine spray, or use the car fresheners.  Think about how less annoyed you will be when you don't have to clean up the pine needles.

2nd Thing- Yes I get it that hanging lights is hard, but there are other ways of decorating that do not include stringing up lights.  How about a wreath, garlands, candles in the windows?  Or better yet, why not show your true scrooge side and not hang ANY lights or decorations?  You don't mind complaining about Christmas, but you force yourself to torture yourself every year with something that causes you "pain".  Do us a favor, either stop complaining or stop doing the thing that makes you complain.

3rd Thing- Hangovers.  Simple solution-- STOP DRINKING UNTIL DRUNK! Have a drink or two, but no one needs to be drinking to the point of drunkeness.

4th Thing-  Sending Christmas Cards... Really?  You do realize you don't need to send them if you don't want to.  Most people now-a-days send out an email that simply says Merry Christmas.  If you don't have the time or find it annoying to make Christmas Cards, then do that.  Don't waste your time on something you don't mean or care about doing.

5th Thing- Five Months of Bills is inconceivable.  I can't imagine taking 5 months to pay off Christmas.  Here is my solution for those of you who have to this problem:  don't spend outside of your means.  Buy only what you can afford and make a budget to spend on people.  If they get upset about how much you spent on them, then they don't deserve your gifts.

6th Thing- If facing your in-laws is such a problem, you must ask yourself why it is such a problem.  If it is something that you have done, maybe the awkwardness is your fault.  Maybe you should try going into it with a positive attitude.  Going in with a negative attitude guarantees a negative experience.  Grow up and get over your stupid, petty, ridiculous attitude.

7th Thing-  THE SALVATION ARMY??????  You truly are a scrooge.  Get yourself a cheap townhouse in the filthy back alleys of London, turn the heat down low, use candles for light, and count your pennies.  For clearly you are truly in need of what you own and no one else could possibly have needs out there in the world.  Stop being so self-centered and think about some one else.

8th Thing-  Your child screaming about a toy they want for Christmas.... if they are throwing tantrums, screaming about something they want, demanding things, and crying to get their way, look in the mirror.  DING DING DING!  It is your fault for most likely spoiling your child.  Don't complain about their actions and attitude when you could easily just be a parent and fix it yourself.

9th Thing-  Finding Parking Spaces... hmm... maybe you shouldn't have waited until the last second to get your shopping done.  Just sayin'.

10th Thing-  "Batteries Not Included"... another easy one... READ THE BOX WHEN YOU BUY IT!  That way there are surprises.  If it says it needs batteries, buy batteries.  Most companies don't want to pay to give you a battery.  They want you to have to buy it yourself.  Another thing you need to just buck up and deal with.

11th Thing-  Stale TV Specials... is someone holding a gun to your head and making you watch them?  No?  Oh so you have the power to change the channel and watch something else, or, better yet, turn the TV off and do something else?  Wow... another simple fix.

12th Thing-  Singing Christmas Carols.  Is there a gun in this scenario as well?  No?  Are you a scrooge?  Yes?  Ahh well that explains everything.

For those of you who read this entire thing, I applaud and thank you for doing so.  Let's all try our best to not be Scrooges this Christmas season.