The Anxiety, for me, that is Christmas

Every year I seem to go through a terrible bout of anxiety as the season approaches.  I get all of my shopping done early.  The wrapping done within the same day or next to make sure that gets done.  The newsletter written  to stuff into the Christmas cards that are written and stamped.  Everything is done.  I get the decorations up in a timely fashion.  I get everything done.  So why do I get so anxious every year at the Christmas season?  I mean, as I type this, I am on the verge of a collapse.  My chest is tightening, my eyes are watering, and I feel the need to go for a long run.  I don't know what causes this, but I would like it to stop.

I have what I would like to call Clark W. Griswold Syndrome.  I get my hopes and expectations for Christmas up so high that no one can possibly match them.  I can't control it.  Christmas gets closer and I start pumping up and getting ready for something amazing that no one in their right mind could ever come up with.  Then as Christmas approaches, I start to get discouraged and I start panicking about what people are getting me, if I got them enough, or if I am setting myself up for an extreme disappointment.  My husband got upset when I brought it up the last time.  I can't help but feel this way every year.  Nothing seems to be able to rattle the feeling that I am getting ready for a major let down.  I know that Christmas is about family and the true reason for the season, but my brain doesn't seem to let that be enough.  I love Christmas so much that I want it to be perfect and happy.  The problem is that I don't know how to make it that.  I don't know how to make it the perfect Christmas and make it so happy that I can't come up with anything better.  I don't even know what I want that makes me have such high expectations.  I try to keep it in check, but it isn't working.

I want to be relaxed.  I want to be happy.  I want Christmas to be wonderful.

Christmas Pains: The Story of the Scrooges

A local radio station started playing their Christmas music yesterday and tomorrow ABC Family starts their countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas.  I couldn't have been more excited to get into my car this morning to sing along to Christmas music.  I was driving down the highway and I heard the one song I absolutely HATE hearing during the Christmas season.  This is that song (bear with me... it is long):


The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Hangovers

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Batteries Not Included"

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!?  What scrooge wrote this song?  Half of these things could be avoided by using your common sense.  If you have a problem with this stuff, then DON'T DO IT!  Ugh.... Christmas is a time I love and a song like this is a HUGE downer on my happiness.  So here is my breakdown of answers to all of these "Christmas Pains".

1st Thing- If you hate the process of searching for a Christmas tree, get a fake one.  If you really need that pine tree smell, burn a pine candle, spray some pine spray, or use the car fresheners.  Think about how less annoyed you will be when you don't have to clean up the pine needles.

2nd Thing- Yes I get it that hanging lights is hard, but there are other ways of decorating that do not include stringing up lights.  How about a wreath, garlands, candles in the windows?  Or better yet, why not show your true scrooge side and not hang ANY lights or decorations?  You don't mind complaining about Christmas, but you force yourself to torture yourself every year with something that causes you "pain".  Do us a favor, either stop complaining or stop doing the thing that makes you complain.

3rd Thing- Hangovers.  Simple solution-- STOP DRINKING UNTIL DRUNK! Have a drink or two, but no one needs to be drinking to the point of drunkeness.

4th Thing-  Sending Christmas Cards... Really?  You do realize you don't need to send them if you don't want to.  Most people now-a-days send out an email that simply says Merry Christmas.  If you don't have the time or find it annoying to make Christmas Cards, then do that.  Don't waste your time on something you don't mean or care about doing.

5th Thing- Five Months of Bills is inconceivable.  I can't imagine taking 5 months to pay off Christmas.  Here is my solution for those of you who have to this problem:  don't spend outside of your means.  Buy only what you can afford and make a budget to spend on people.  If they get upset about how much you spent on them, then they don't deserve your gifts.

6th Thing- If facing your in-laws is such a problem, you must ask yourself why it is such a problem.  If it is something that you have done, maybe the awkwardness is your fault.  Maybe you should try going into it with a positive attitude.  Going in with a negative attitude guarantees a negative experience.  Grow up and get over your stupid, petty, ridiculous attitude.

7th Thing-  THE SALVATION ARMY??????  You truly are a scrooge.  Get yourself a cheap townhouse in the filthy back alleys of London, turn the heat down low, use candles for light, and count your pennies.  For clearly you are truly in need of what you own and no one else could possibly have needs out there in the world.  Stop being so self-centered and think about some one else.

8th Thing-  Your child screaming about a toy they want for Christmas.... if they are throwing tantrums, screaming about something they want, demanding things, and crying to get their way, look in the mirror.  DING DING DING!  It is your fault for most likely spoiling your child.  Don't complain about their actions and attitude when you could easily just be a parent and fix it yourself.

9th Thing-  Finding Parking Spaces... hmm... maybe you shouldn't have waited until the last second to get your shopping done.  Just sayin'.

10th Thing-  "Batteries Not Included"... another easy one... READ THE BOX WHEN YOU BUY IT!  That way there are surprises.  If it says it needs batteries, buy batteries.  Most companies don't want to pay to give you a battery.  They want you to have to buy it yourself.  Another thing you need to just buck up and deal with.

11th Thing-  Stale TV Specials... is someone holding a gun to your head and making you watch them?  No?  Oh so you have the power to change the channel and watch something else, or, better yet, turn the TV off and do something else?  Wow... another simple fix.

12th Thing-  Singing Christmas Carols.  Is there a gun in this scenario as well?  No?  Are you a scrooge?  Yes?  Ahh well that explains everything.

For those of you who read this entire thing, I applaud and thank you for doing so.  Let's all try our best to not be Scrooges this Christmas season.

Thanks Sir Points-Out-The-Obvious-A-Lot!

I have to laugh at how much people get offended when you point out the obvious.  Today, a customer came downstairs, his shirt clearly inside out.  It was an American Eagle thermal shirt.  The type where the tag is printed on the back inside of the shirt.  Well, this gentleman's shirt had the tag clearly on the back outside of the shirt, the hemming was raised on the shirt instead of smooth, and the eagle was showing from the back and it was on the right hand side of the shirt instead of the left.  Captain obvious to me since I bought my husband several of those shirts last Christmas.  I pointed it out to my coworker, who instantly disagreed with my claim stating that it was how the shirt was made.  When he came closer to the desk, you could tell the details of the shirt did not match the way it should look.  My coworker clearly was examining the shirt as the gentleman paid for his water.  It was definitely inside out.  He had the size written on the back of the shirt for goodness sakes!  I waited until he walked away and turned to my coworked to say "See!  It is inside out!" only to have my coworker say, "See! It is just how the shirt is made!  Didn't you see the raised stitching and stuff?"  I couldn't take it anymore.  "*Insert coworker's name*, it is clearly inside out.  The size of the shirt was on the back for everyone to see, the eagle was inside out, and on the wrong side!  Plus, I know how the shirts are suppose to look since I bought my husband some before."

She didn't even answer and walked away from me.  You have got to be kidding me!  She was so upset that I was proving my point that she just didn't care to listen to me or acknowledge that I was right.  Of course, my other coworker who was standing there with my other coworker would side with the other.  They were all buddy-buddy.  Neither of them said a word to me as they walked away from the desk.  Drama queens!

(This is the same coworker/supervisor that tells me not to gossip and as I am writing this *before I posted it* she is over there gabbing to her friend about what I did.  Double standards much???)

An 8 Day Work Week

I have been waking up with my alarm every morning thinking to myself about how much I would prefer to not go to my job.  It's not that it is a terrible job, but I am beyond bored, I am not interested in any of it, and I often work alone.  Do you know how boring an 8 hour shift gets when you have nothing to entertain you, no one to help time pass, and no one to keep you distracted from the suckiness of the day.  I have no creative outlet at my job.  Everything is standard procedure with no flare or excitement.  Not to mention all of the weird new rules that they have been coming up with lately to make my job more like I am working in a confined prison.  Plus management who constantly say they want you to do one thing, but then complain when you don't do something that contradicts the first order.  (ie- always man the desk.  Clear dishes in the breakfast area *even if you are the only one on the desk*)

If life wasn't so expensive, I would be quitting without a thought or care.  As of right now, I can't leave this job unless I have a new job with equal or higher pay doing something I actually want to do.  Finding that kind of job has proven to be difficult.  I am waiting to hear on a couple options, but nothing that has been set in stone yet.  I am kinda looking to have a new job at the beginning of 2012, but, with this economy, it doesn't seem like something that will happen.

So... if I could... "I QUIT!"

Babies, Babies everywhere but Not a Drop to Drink

Not to sound like Peter Griffin, but do you wanna know what really grinds my gears?  Lately there has been a lot of talk of pregnancy because two couples I work with are expecting babies, a few of my friends have had babies in the past few months, and now another one of my friends is expecting.  I am really excited for all of the people expecting, but I am not ready to have a baby yet.  So what is bothering me you ask?  All the people who keep asking me when am I going to have a baby?  Why aren't you pregnant yet?  or just the plain comment of "You should have a baby now."  I have come up with some retorts to this, but it doesn't stop people from asking those questions.  I finally snapped at one lady at work who told me to just have a baby already.  I said, "If you want me to have a baby so bad, why don't you give me the money to do so?  I certainly can't afford to have a child right now."  She was taken aback.  People on the outside don't seem to remember how expensive children are.  It's not like Jeremy and I don't want to have children, it is just at this point in time we can't afford to with all of our other current bills.  I have partially decided to take the little kid route and tell everyone to "mind your own beeswax!"  If I don't start the conversation with you about what our plan is or anything pertaining to it, what makes you think I want you to know??

Reality Continues to Ruin my Life

I am really starting to realize how corrupt many places are.  The gym I had recently joined with my husband had gypped us out of one of our personal training sessions as well as one of the services they promised to provide.  When we addressed the issue, they treated us like 5 year olds and proceeded to tell us about how we must not have understood the membership.  The person we spoke to proceeded to tell us how our membership was going to be an investment and how things would start to show progress.  Then the man had the nerve to turn to my husband and say he has clearly thinned in his face and he has toned.  My husband was offended, but no more than I could be!  How dare he say that to my husband and make it seem like I have made no progress.  My husband decided right then that we did not want to keep our membership.  When we told the person we were working with he insisted we try to get back into the gym.  My husband said no and the man said he would see what he could do...

Apparently that was nothing!  He called my husband today to tell him that the manager said there was nothing they could do for us.  Jeremy explained that financially we can't afford it right now and he still maintained his point.  I wasn't going to take that.  I called the gym and demanded to speak with the regional manager for the properties.  I was transferred to the lead manager at the property and told them that we literally could not afford the membership and wanted out.  They said they would call me in 15 minutes.... 40 minutes later I called them back.  He said in order to cancel we would need to pay a fee.  So I asked my husband and he said yes and I told them I would be in Thursday to cancel our membership.  I guarantee we will get all sorts of crap for it, but I don't care.  I will find ways to work out elsewhere.  My husband hated going to the gym and I felt like I was lied to continuously by the staff at this gym.  I plan to start saving my money to purchase an arc trainer for at home.  Stupid loser gym.  I hate them all. :-(

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!

I have been waking up in the morning to go to work and I have just been dragging and not wanting to get into the car.  I have no drive to go to work anymore because I realize completely that I do not want to be there ever again.  I do have a prospect for next month, but it is not 100% guaranteed.  It also would need to match my current salary which might not happen.  Which could mean me working only part time at the new job while working the old one. UGH!  I am hoping that it doesn't happen, but whatever.  At this point, I don't really care... actually... I don't give a damn.

A little Kindness goes a Long Way

Today I had to deal with one of the most infuriating customer!  She was awful, said awful things to me and about me, and wouldn't listen to anything I had to say.  When she did walk away, she talked smack about me to the group of people she was meeting.  People do realize that the old saying of "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" is pretty damn close to true right??

After work I came home to set up something that was wrong with my banking info for my student loan.  When I arrived home and loaded up the website something had gone crazy wrong.  All of my past payments had disappeared from my history, it said I was not paying until 2013, and there was a random payment on there.  I immediately called the company because clearly some wires had been crossed.  Again... stupid people are not something I tolerate very well... and the girl who finally answered the phone, after I waited for 10 minutes, was truly gem.  She was awful!  Didn't seem to understand anything I asked, copped an attitude with me which made me cop an attitude, and made me ask for a supervisor.  The supervisor was just as stupid and didn't seem to have any clue about how it could be fixed.  They also said that they wouldn't contact me when it was fixed.  They insisted that I just check back in a week.  Therefore I told them I wouldn't be making a payment until it was fixed.  I didn't need them making a mess of my bank account as well.

One good thing came up during work:  I Had A Great Idea On Fixing a Problem :-)  Yay for positivity in a close to lost day!

Stupid Media Portrayals!

I have to say that I am not a huge fan of the media right now.  It is not a shock to me why girls like myself want to lose a ton of weight.  Girls portrayed by the media are size 2s, have boobs still, and have perfect faces.  When I was in my art class senior year of college I learned about how they make the girls look better on TV by using photo shop.  I am really getting sick of media's portrayals of women.  I have curves and I love them.  I would like to lose some weight to be more healthy, but I do not want to lose so much weight that I become a straight line, a box, or a boy.  I love my curves, and I believe that all women should love their curves for what they are.  I am sorry, but those girls on TV may be gorgeous on the outside... but for all you know they could be rotten and full of mold on the inside.  Everyone should stay true to themselves.  Don't let anyone tell you differently.  You are beautiful.

The Initiator

Ok so I know I already wrote a post today, but I can't keep this one in:

I FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS INITIATING!


I am sick and tired of being the one who has to call the friend, who has to IM the friend, who has to schedule time to hang out, who has to be the one to keep the friendship together!  I feel like I am always the one who tries to create friendships with the people around me.  I try to be there and support the people around me and I get attitude in return.  I know I am not perfect.  Yes I gossip.  Yes I am weird.  Yes I have a different personality.  Why does that mean that I can't try to form friendships?  Why does that mean that people can't try to be my friend?  I am sick of sitting on the couch every night, trying to talk to my friends, getting little to no response, or being left mid conversation.  I am sick of being left alone with no one here.  I know I don't have money to go out places, but all I want is for someone to come sit with me and talk.  Seriously!  GAH!

I am done.

And It Starts...

So lately a lot of things have been going on in my life and I decided that I needed to come up with a way to vent it all out.  There is too much going on at work, home, friends-wise, and a bunch of other places in my life.  I needed an outlet.  So here it is: The Daily Divulge!

I work in a corporate style hotel where a lot of business men and women come through.  I have seen some people who are highly into fashion and you stop and stare because you wish you could dress like them.  Then there was what I saw today.  The first girl walks in and is amazingly high fashion.  She is wearing a tan, soft leather, knee length pencil skirt with a nice white sweater on top, and a pair of nude pumps to match.  She looked flawless.  Her friend came down next and I nearly lost it.  It looked like she was wearing an oversized, lace t-shirt with a long cardigan over it.  The "dress" she was wearing came down to maybe 2 inches below her back side and she clearly didn't seem to care if she bent over with her legs spread apart.  Now don't get me wrong, the girl is very pretty, but the outfit she was wearing was definitely not suited for corporate attire.  As she walked away, she pulled the bottom of her dress up a little and scratched the bottom part of her buttocks.  Now that is a classy gal if I ever saw one...